After Penelope
by The Only One 21
Summary: I find that JJ is an underused character so this is my take on how she deals with killing someone in "Penelope". Also has Will because, no matter what other people say I, absolutely love him.


The noise in the bull pen had ceased for JJ. She was sitting on the edge of a desk staring straight ahead. She had told Penelope that she didn't even blink. That you do whatever is necessary to protect your family. And she had meant it, but that didn't stop her from feeling extremely conflicted about what she had just done.

She had been sitting in her office reading through prospective cases when her cell phone had started ringing. She had answered it and Derek Morgan had told her about the situation going on in the bull pen.

JJ hadn't hesitated. She picked up her gun and rushed for the bull pen. She slowly made her way to the glass doors, the only thing that separated her and a crazy gun man. As she raised her gun Hotch briefly made eye contact with her.

The UnSub turned his head in her direction and that's when JJ pulled the trigger. The bullet sailed through the glass doors, shattering them, and right into the Unsub's forehead.

The moments after were filled with loud noises as JJ was swarmed, by Hotch and Rossi and by other agents. But now, she was on her own, her many conflicted emotions swarmed around her head. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't notice as Spencer Reid came up to her.

"JJ?" JJ's head snapped up. She looked at the young genius briefly before putting on a fake smile. Spencer didn't buy it. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

Spencer raised an eyebrow. "JJ, you just killed a man."

"I know Spencer. I was there."

"Wh-what I mean is it's ok to feel…conflicted." Spencer finished hesitantly for once not being able to decipher the look on JJ's face.

JJ sighed heavily. "How did you feel after the first time you," she paused for a moment. "Killed someone?"

"I didn't know exactly what I was feeling at the time." Spencer pushed his hair out of his eyes. "But Gideon, he told me that I did what I had to do and that a lot of good people were alive because of me."

JJ crossed her arms over her chest and bit her bottom lip. She looked down at her knees, avoiding Spencer's gaze.

"He also told me that eventually I would feel it." Spencer tentatively reached forward and grabbed JJ's hand, uncrossing her arms. JJ looked up. "When it does hit you, it'll probably hit you hard. You just need to find a way to deal with it."

JJ cleared her throat. "What did you do to deal with it?" She looked up at Spencer quizzically.

Spencer gave a faint smile. "I went to spend a few days with my mom. I spent the entire time reading her some of her favorite books."

"Sounds like you had a nice time." JJ felt Spencer's fingers twitch slightly in her grip.

"Yeah, it really helped me think everything through. There's more than one way to deal with something like this. But you just need to find what's right for you."

JJ nodded her head in understanding.

"JJ," JJ looked up as Hotch came up to her and Spencer. Spencer let go of her hand and turned to Hotch. "Why don't you head home? Take a couple of days off, get some rest."

JJ glanced up at the two men standing in front of her before deciding that rest actually sounded good right now. "Yeah, ok." She stood up and straightened out her shirt.

Hotch extended his hand forward. JJ realized that he was holding her bag and her jacket was slung over his arm. She took them with a grateful smile.

"JJ, remember you can call any of us if you need anything right?"

JJ looked up at Hotch. "Yeah I know. Thanks." She left the bull pen, surprised by the sudden lack of sound.

"JJ!" Spencer jogged up to JJ as the elevator doors opened up.

"Yeah Spence?"

Spencer could tell that within the last few minutes JJ had taken on a look of exhaustion. "Are you going to be ok to drive home?" His eyebrows had knitted together in concern.

JJ stifled a yawn as she answered. "I'll be fine." She stepped into the elevator.

"Ok," The elevator doors began to close. Spencer stuck his arm out quickly, stopping the doors from closing. "Um, I just wanted to make sure that, uh, if you find a way to deal with all of this you won't do something you'll regret later."

JJ smiled softly before she stepped out of the elevator and wrapped her arms tightly around Spencer. "Thanks Spence." She felt Spencer put his arms around her.

After a few more moments JJ pulled back and stepped into the elevator. She gave Spencer a small wave before the elevator doors shut.

JJ shut the door to her apartment with a snap and quickly locked it. She looked around her apartment feeling tears begin to prick at her eyes. At this moment she wanted nothing more than to forget the look on Battle's face when she had shot him. On her entire ride home she kept reliving that moment over and over again.

JJ dropped her bag and jacket and kicked off her heels before she moved swiftly to the kitchen. She jerked the refrigerator door open and pulled out the only alcohol she could find: a bottle of wine. She grabbed a glass from her cabinet. JJ made her way towards the couch pouring wine into her glass as she went.

She stopped short of the couch. She set the bottle down on the little table in front of the couch.

"_Um, I just wanted to make sure that, uh, if find a way to deal with all of this you won't do something you'll regret later."_

Spencer's voice floated into her mind. JJ looked down at her glass, her vision suddenly becoming blurred as her eyes filled with more tears.

JJ heaved a quiet sob as a variety of emotions began to settle in. Her grip on the glass tightened before she hurled it at the wall, overcome with emotions. There was a loud crash as the glass came into contact with the wall and it shattered into dozens of tiny pieces.

She stared as the wine dripped down the wall, looking like blood. She stared at it for a moment more before she dropped down onto her couch, curling her knees up to her chest.

Will looked at his watch yet again. It was eight o'clock and he was starting to worry. JJ was supposed to pick him up at the airport at seven, but she was nowhere to be found. He had called her five times but each time he had gotten her voice mail.

Will took his phone out of his back pocket and flipped it open, hitting speed dial for JJ's phone. Once again he got JJ's voice mail. Rubbing a hand threw his short hair he gathered his bag and headed for the exit, dialing a different number as he went.

It was about an hour and a half later as Will pulled into the parking lot of JJ's apartment. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief as he spotted JJ's familiar car parked not too far from him. Turning the car off, Will grabbed his bag from the passenger's seat and entered the apartment complex.

Will opened the door to JJ's apartment with the key she had given him. As he closed the door behind him he noticed the discarded bag and jacket, lying on the floor. Will's brow furrowed in confusion, JJ was a typically neat person and he found it strange that she had thrown her jacket on the floor.

Looking around Will spotted the red stain on the wall. His heart leapt into his throat for a split second before he saw the bottle of red wine sitting on the coffee table. And behind the table, curled up on the couch, was a sleeping JJ. Even while she was sleeping Will could see that she was upset.

Bending over, Will picked up JJ's bag and jacket. He hauled her stuff and his bag to the back of the apartment to her room. He placed their bags on the chair that sat in the corner of her room, and then hung her jacket up in the closet. Before he left the room he pulled down the covers of the bed.

Will looked down at JJ, who was still fast asleep on the couch. Her clothes from the day before were rumpled with sleep. He crouched down in front of her. He pushed a stray lock of blond hair behind her ear, then ran a finger gently down her jaw line.

Will straightened out slightly, still leaning over JJ. He reached one arm behind her back and the other under her legs. He straightened out completely bringing JJ with him. JJ groaned sleepily but did not wake up.

Will smiled down at the woman in his arms and took her to the bedroom. He laid her down in her bed and pulled the covers up over her. Looking down at her one last time Will left the room going to clean the stain off of the wall.

After Will had cleaned the wine off of the wall he had gathered the glass and deposited it in the recycling bin underneath the sink. Looking around he noticed little things that he had missed earlier. There were some clothes scattered around, dishes piled in the sink, and other small things.

Will stood in the kitchen and took a deep breath. He remembered when only a few days ago JJ had called him. She told him about how Penelope had been shot and how the creep was still out there. And although JJ hadn't cried while she told him everything, Will could tell that she was clearly upset. But that was JJ, always in control. Her job demanded that she always be in control.

Will straightened up as best he could then went back to the bedroom. JJ was curled up on her side, facing away from the door. Will walked over to the bed and sat down beside JJ, extending his legs. He listened to her rhythmic breathing. He reached out a hand and lightly stroked her side.

After a few moments JJ rolled over Will's arm and curled up into his side. He wrapped his arm around her back and continued stroking her side.

Somewhere in the building Will heard a series of loud barks. He felt JJ twitched against his side. The dog barked again. JJ whimpered and clutched at Will's shirt.

Will looked down. "Sshh, it's ok darling," He whispered into her hair.

He knew exactly what was causing her distress. One of the first times JJ had spent the weekend at his apartment in New Orleans he noticed her reaction to when dogs barked. Her whole body tensed and she got a look in her eye. Will knew it was fear.

After asking JJ about it several times she finally admitted her fear of dogs. She had told him how when her team had been in Georgia she had been attacked by dogs. And how, anytime after that, she saw a big dog it made her relive that terrifying moment.

One more quick burst of barks was all it took to finally make JJ jerk awake. She inhaled deeply. Will felt JJ's body tense before she pushed herself up and peered at Will with bleary eyes.

Will smiled at her sweetly. "Morning beautiful,"

JJ couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Hey," The smile slipped from her face as she noticed the clock behind Will. "Oh my God, Will I am so sorry! I was supposed to pick you up from the airport three and a half hours ago. I,"

Will put a hand on JJ's forearm. "JJ relax. I'm a big boy I know how to call for a rental car."

"Sorry," She abruptly turned away, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them.

Will's brow furrowed in confusion. "JJ?" He placed a hand on her back. He could feel her shaking. "Jayje, what's wrong?" When JJ only shook her head Will pulled her back so she was sitting in between his legs. "Is Penelope ok?" He was worried that maybe something had happened to her.

He heard JJ sniff. "She's fine."

"Then what's wrong?" He was used to seeing JJ in control. Nothing fazed her. Seeing her like this was killing him.

"I uh," JJ sighed. Will wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head against his shoulder and swallowed hard. "Battle, the um UnSub, came into the BAU today. He had a gun to a man's head. I was in my office at the time. Penelope was going through the security cameras and she saw him come in. Derek called me. Told me they couldn't get a shot on him. They needed someone to go in from behind and take him out." Will could see the tears beginning to pool in the corner of JJ's eyes. "I shot him." JJ's voice had gone down to a whisper. "I, I killed him."

Will now fully understood just exactly what was bothering JJ. She had been forced to take the life of another human being. He stroked her messy hair. He felt a pang in his heart when JJ turned her face into his neck and felt her tears slide down his neck.

"Don't get me wrong. I'm glad he's Sgone. But…he was someone's son, friend," JJ's words were muffled against Will's neck.

"It's an incredibly hard thing, taking a life. The guilt can eat you up. The first time I killed someone I spent the entire night drinking." Will shook his head. "I drank so much I passed out in the bar. I was out like a light. The next thing I knew I'm waking up in my bed, my daddy reading a book beside my bed." Will's arms tightened around JJ. "He told me that we have an unbelievably difficult job. All the things we have to see, the vast array of emotions that we go through on a daily basis. Then add to that the fact that we have to play God sometimes…well it's enough to get to anyone."

JJ didn't speak. She hugged Will's arms closer to her body and absorbed what he said. She took comfort from his words.

After a few minutes of silence JJ spoke. "You know I love you right?"

Will smiled as he kissed JJ's temple. "I love you too Jayje."

For the first time since Penelope was shot JJ felt a sense of calm and comfort take hold of her as she lay in Will's arms. She knew that if there was a next time, it wouldn't be any easier. But she knew that she wouldn't have to go through it alone.


End file.
